Blog » Dharma Friends » Reflections on repentance » I vow to repent the boundless karma offenses I created in the past
I vow to repent the boundless karma offenses I created in the past2013-01-10
By Guo Pu
My dharma name is Chen Guo Pu, I want to extend my gratitude for all dharma protectors who’ve made this bowing session possible. There is a true story about dharma protectors at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas.
There were seven Vietnamese laypeople who worked hard for the JunKang Restaurant remodeling job. They even worked late into the night until 2:00 am when the restaurant was about to reopen. They were all exhausted when all the remodeling work was done. And when they got back to their rooms that night, they all saw extremely bright light at the same time, lo and behold, Amitabha Buddha, Gwan Yin Bodhisattva, Manjushri Great Wisdom Bodhisattva, and the Universal Worthy Great Conduct Bodhisattva all manifested in front of them. How rare and supreme the vision was! So when we try our best to help the monastery, the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are actually there by our side. It’s just because we are not sincere enough or we don’t work exhaustedly (laugh!) that the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas haven’t manifested themselves in front of us. When you are sincere enough, the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas will manifest to increase our faith. And I believe since they were able to see Amitabha Buddha and many Bodhisattvas, not only their faith would be increased, they would also be able to improve their spiritual cultivation a lot faster. We can imagine how happy and amazed they were!
As for myself, I like bowing repentance a lot. I feel fulfilled every time attending a bowing session. And there was one special experience that I always like to share with people. It was in the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas when I attended a bowing session, I was sorrowful so I bowed single-mindly, very focused without any other thoughts. I followed the principle of “the present moment” which means I bow to the particular Buddha when I chant his name and think only about that Buddha while chanting. And then I started to feel an excruciating pain all over my body from top to toe . I got mouth pain, ear pain, eyes sore, tongue pain, all my joints ached, and my muscles were like yanked out by a tiger or a lion. There seemed thousands of needles stung on my back. My body was like cut into halves from my waist. I couldn’t even lie down on the bed because my back was so painful. I had no choice but dragged my feet walking back to the Buddha Hall. While I was walking, I felt as if my body was floating up and half of me was in the coffin. However, when I went back to the Buddha Hall, as I bowed down, I felt a sense of coolness in my joints. I was only half conscious at the time, but I knew that the Buddha Hall was the right place for me so I kept bowing. After the transference of merit and virtues in the afternoon, the pain was half gone. Yet when I woke up the next day, all the pain came back. Even though the pain was almost unbearable, I still had the appetite and strength for lunch so that I could continue to bow in the afternoon. And after the transference of merit and virtues, the pain was half gone again. When I woke up the third day, all kinds of pain were gone except headache. My headache was gone the fifth day and I felt greatly relieved, delighted and at ease.
All the pain was reminiscent of the animals I ate this life. I didn’t know what I ate in my previous lives. Before switching to a vegetarian diet, I loved to eat freshly cooked fish, and I enjoyed ginseng chicken in the cold winter time.
Ginseng chicken kept me warm and was tasty to me back then. Yet all the pain those animals suffered when I ate them came back to me during that bowing session. I could sense that clearly.
For instance, I yanked out muscles of chicken breast when I ate ginseng chicken and I felt the pain during that bowing session because my muscles were yanked out (by an invisible force) the same way as I ate the ginseng chicken. Anyways, I was glad that they came to claim the debt I owed them while I still had the strength to bear the pain. It’s not that all the animals I ate came to me this time. Those are only part of my karma. There are still more to come. I would say that I vow to repent the boundless karma offenses I created in the past. I would bow repentance throughout the rest of my life. I bow repentance on my own even when there is no bowing session. I bow the 10,000 Buddhas Jeweled Repentance using the Buddha Spoke of All Buddhas’ Names Sutra. To me, everything is about karma, I would like to pay back while I can afford it.
I feel that it’s good for saving the energy from bowing repentance if we can talk less or even do not talk at all. Because bowing repentance will create some kind of energy which can be accumulated when we keep our mouth shut and our dharma wealth will be accumulated as well. However, when we talk, the energy will disperse and our dharma wealth will be decreased as a result. Besides, our repentance will be verified once we see the Buddha, bright light, flowers, or smell the fragrance of incense, according to the sutra. When will we get the verification of our repentance? Most often during our bowing and also at break time when we quiet down. Unless we have to use bathroom or have to do work for the monastery, we better keep quiet during break time. Otherwise, we can miss the opportunity when Buddhas and Bodhisattvas come to verify our repentance. It will be a shame on our part.
Dharma Master is right about not to have the thought. If we have the thought (about the verification of bowing repentance) we will be distracted. My own experience tells me that when I suffered the pain during the bowing session because a lot of karmic creditors came to me, I was glad to pay them back. And the following year, when I attended the bowing session again, I thought to myself that I hope all other karmic creditors would come to me to claim the debt. However, with that thought, they didn’t come to me. So we better use the concept of “the present moment” while bowing. We follow the cantor in chanting, bowing, and reciting without other thoughts. Because all other thoughts are distracting and unnecessary.
